I Forgot To Be Your Lover

a message to myself, and all the women who forgot to be their own lover

“Have I told you lately that I love you? Well if I didn’t, darlin’, I’m sorry” - William Bell

As I write these words, I sit in a lover’s bed. One which doesn’t feel quite like mine.

When we pour ourselves into our lovers, our hopes are for that love to be reciprocated. Sometimes it is, and sometimes life happens, and our needs are unable to be met. This is an ache I understand all too well, and have sang the same sad song for many years about it. However, I learned a secret. A life long lesson you could say. When a relationship ends, or possibly feels like it’s reached its peak, it doesn’t mean the love you gave is gone. It means you have to stop pouring, and bring that love back into yourself. It means, instead of carrying guilt for what is lost, or shame for what you did or didn’t do, love yourself harder now more than ever. The tears that we were once wept, turn them into kisses for your heart. Take all the pain and heartbreak, and turn it into warmth.

It doesn’t take a lot of strength to hang on. It takes a lot of strength to let go.

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When we let go, we open ourselves up to something beautiful. The possibility to heal, to understand the depths of our love. To understand the magnificence of how we feel.

Loving deeply for others is a blessing,

but understand this, not everyone is ready to be blessed.

This doesn’t make the hurt any less, but I hope it can provide some comfort and clarity. Not everyone we love is ready to be loved, and that can sometimes feel like the greatest form of rejection there is. We mustn’t be victimized by this, for it doesn’t make us weak to love, but all the more special of a human being. We carry so much light within us that it’s blinding, and maybe sometimes it can throw us off balance.

To feel such love is a great responsibility. It is something we must nurture, by nurturing the love we have for ourselves first. The meaning of love begins to make more sense when we stop feeling like we have to always give it away, or hold onto it for dear life. Love flows freely, and it responds the best when we’re open and receptive to it.

There is no stereotypical how-to, no handbook showing us what to do. Only time will tell. Experiences which age us, giving us wisdom. The knowledge which provides light amongst the darkness. It’s up to us to dig deep, and figure out what love means to us as an individual. To respect our unique relationship with it, how we want that love to tailor our lives.

So as my story takes a pause with lovers,

I turn to myself and quote William once more,

“Now I realize that you need love too,

and I’ll spend my life making love to you.

Oh, I forgot to be your lover.”

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